Well gang, we’ve made it to the end of the road and it is BLEAK. In case you missed it and haven’t been on the internet all week, Rachel and Peter broke up prior to the final rose ceremony because he wasn’t willing to propose. As a result, Bryan won by default. Does true love not prevail? I thought I could rely on a long-running reality dating show with a low success rate for a fairy tale ending, but here we are. Rachel and Bryan are now engaged and she has the following to look forward to:
- Jealous mother-in-law who also wants to have sex with Bryan
- Husband consuming her whole face on daily basis
- Fugly ring
Things that could be Rachel’s, but she playin’:
- Adorable gap-toothed children
- Fewer haters
- Peter, the perfect man
Anyway, we’ll file Bryan alongside the other fuckboys who won The Bachelorette (namely Josh Murray and Jordan Rodgers). Here’s hoping their engagement lasts long enough to be profitable on Instagram.
Below are the FINAL league standings. As a reminder, our league has six members with three men on each team. We use Fantasy4Reality for scoring, and the scoring rules can be found here.
After weeks in first, Stephanie falls to second place and Amanda takes the gold. Well done, Amanda! You have first round pick in our Bachelor draft next January-ish.
Colorblind? (Amanda) – 1790
Whaboom Goes My Heart (Steph) – 1550
Dean’s List (Emily) – 1530
Will You Accept This B’Rose? (Meredith) – 1510
Happy People Just Don’t Shoot Their Husbands (Emma) – 910
My Name Is In Your Mouth (Mel) – 630
Points This Week
Whaboom Goes My Heart – 10 points
Eric sadly gets sent home at the beginning of the episode, but on the bright side, he has a great new “Just Got Dumped” beard. He gets 10 points for kissing Rachel.
Will You Accept This B’Rose? – 350 points
In a rare move, the winner of the first impression rose actually wins the league! I’ve done enough shitting on Bryan, so I’ll just congratulate him for getting points for kissing Rachel, giving Rachel a gift (ring!), getting the final rose, and participating in a challenging physical activity.
Colorblind? – 450 points
Peter cleans up this week and gets 450 points — 200 for leaving the show on his own accord (arguable, but that’s what the scorecard says), and additional points for receiving the final rose in week 9 and for going on a one-on-one with Rachel.
We have our Bachelor in Paradise league on deck–readers, stay tuned for the league!