Hi friends–sorry for the delay! I fell a little behind on Bachelorette-related matters this week last week–sadly, real-life responsibilities get in the way of my reality TV fandom. I had planned to combine this post with tonight’s post, but the stupid NBA finals conflicted with Rachel’s love life (perhaps this is a recurring theme for her as she dated Kevin Durant in college?). Anyway, this week, Rachel made a point to choose group dates that require the guys to be shirtless, proving that she gets right down to business. My girl.
- Happy People Just Don’t Shoot Their Husbands (Emma) – 550
- Colorblind? (Amanda) – 340
- Whaboom Goes My Heart (Steph) – 290
- Will You Accept This Brose? (Mere) – 270
- Gettin’ Diggy With It (Emily) – 210
- MY NAME IS IN YOUR MOUTH (Mel) – 150
Scores This Week:
Gettin’ Diggy With It – 140 points
Team Gettin’ Diggy With It kept me on my toes this week–Diggy got the last rose at the rose ceremony! Close call, but fortunately Diggy doesn’t have to go back to being a Warby Parker model just yet. Elsewhere on my team, Dean and Kenny both go on the mud wrestling group date, where some middle-aged white lady yells “Let me see your JUNK! WOO!” Maybe if you ask nicely, Susan. Kenny once again comes up short in the competition and loses to Bryce with the unfortunate jawline. Dean continues to be a cutie even when he’s covered in mud.
Happy People Just Don’t Shoot Their Husbands – 300 points
Last week took an L but this week she bounce back–even though Emma’s team lost Demario, she’s still in the lead after Anthony’s one-on-one date. He gets 250 (!!) points this week–partially because of the one-on-one date, but mostly for giving and receiving gifts during his shopping spree with Rachel. This is the first and last time he’ll be rewarded for purchasing a set of couple’s cowboy boots. Josiah has a quiet week and gets 50 points for not attending a group date this week.
Colorblind? – 240 points
Alex and Peter continue to be bae AF and cash in mad points for dancing topless on an episode of Ellen. This was a group date activity, but I feel like Alex would’ve done this unprompted–he can twerk better than I can, and he definitely violated someone’s grandma in the audience. Rachel rewards him for this with the group date rose (babyyyy, I like your styleee). Rachel also answered my prayers and wishes and sent Lucas whabooming out of the mansion this week. He gets 20 points on his way out for arguing with Blake, who also went home, TG. If you missed this fight, it was pretty good. Blake called Lucas a failed comedian (true), and Lucas called Blake a failed trainer (still half true) but totally missed the opportunity to call him a failed drummer! His occupation on the show is literally “aspiring drummer.” They literally set that up for you, Lucas. No wonder you’re a failed comedian. Amid this drama, we also learned that Blake doesn’t eat carbs and thus he can’t be trusted. Moving on…
Whaboom Goes My Heart – 240 points
Teamwork makes the dream work over on team WGMH, where everyone brought in points this week. Country boy and obvious racist Lee gets 40 points for advancing and for arguing with Eric, and Will gets points for dancing, kissing Rachel, and being a total cutie. Eric really brings home the bacon, though–he gets the group date rose after telling Rachel that he needs constant reassurance that she’s still into him, despite the fact that this is a dating show where she’s seeing like 20 dudes. He also picks fights with everyone because “[his] name is in everybody’s mouth.” Do less, Eric.
Will You Accept This Brose? – 210 points
On team Brose, first impression rose winner Bryan continues to win us over as he dances shirtless on Ellen. Jonathan the tickle monster also dances on Ellen, though it’s much less appealing when he does it. Elsewhere, Moana extra Iggy is passed over for a date this week and decides to spend his time picking fights with Eric instead.
MY NAME IS IN YOUR MOUTH – 150 points
All three of Melani’s men (ps, Melani’s Men is a great team name, just sayin’) advance to week two, though Jack Stone tears up when Lucas and Blake go home–why? Fred goes on the Ellen group date and discovers half of the guys have kissed Rachel. He’s known her for years and they have yet to smooch, which concerns him. He moves in for the kiss, which repulses Rachel, so she sends him packing. The whole exchange was more cringeworthy than most Tinder messages. Matt sits out of the group dates this week and hangs out in the mansion in his penguin suit, probably.
As per usual, we’ll have to wait until next week for the rose ceremony. Here’s hoping that my boy Diggy sticks around so he can rock more sneakers from his collection. I need some inspiration for my Pinterest boards.