This week, Rachel channels her inner Olivia Pope, rocking a white turtleneck and balancing a multitude of successful, attractive men. She didn’t have the signature Olivia Pope glass of wine, but it’s cool because I drank an entire bottle #teamwork
- Dean’s List (Emily) – 1220 points
- Whaboom Goes My Heart (Steph) – 1150
- Colorblind? (Amanda) – 980
- Will You Accept This Brose? (Meredith) – 900
- Happy People Just Don’t Shoot Their Husbands (Emma) – 730
- My Name Is In Your Mouth (Mel) – 540.
Will You Accept This Brose – 150
Bryan of course gets the first one-on-one date because Rachel is smitten. They talk about how their parents sheltered them–Bryan went to an all-boys school, and Rachel went to a small private school where everyone knew everyone’s business (all of us: “Muhlenberg?!”). Bryan tells her that his last relationship ended because his mom is a nutjob, and Rachel says she falls for him more and more each time they speak. I scream internally. He gets a rose.
Whaboom Goes My Heart – 150
Eric gets the final rose of the evening, in a move that everyone saw coming. He tells Rachel about his difficult upbringing.
Eric: “I try not to follow the footsteps of my father, Colombian druglord Pablo Escobar…”
Rachel: *nods in agreement*
Anyway, he mentions that he’s never brought a girl home before, ever. So next week should be interesting, eh?
Colorblind? – 160
Peter and Rachel have a great date as always, and team Colorblind gets bonus points for the date’s helicopter ride. Peter did drop a wildcard and say that he’s not sure if he’s ready to get down on one knee. Ummm have you SEEN this show before, Peter?
Peter: I probs won’t propose at the end of this
Rachel: Bitch, you will *hands him the rose*
Dean’s List – 110
Dean dresses up in his Sunday best and looks adorbs as always. He is going to get so much ass when he inevitably doesn’t win this show. Rachel tells him they’re going to church and Dean clearly screams inside. I love that Rachel has a habit of taking the absolute whitest dudes to church. Rachel notes that Dean seems a little less deep than the other guys and it’s probably because HE IS 25.
Rachel: What’s your biggest fear in life?
Dean: Failing my mid-terms
She finally talks him into opening up and he notes that his dad is a little… eccentric. She’s happy he opened up though, and gives him the rose.
Dean: “My family is a little dysfunctional—dad didn’t step up to the plate and looks like a hippie according to previews”
Rachel: “It’s all good. I just want to learn more about you, and also, I brought my boho Coachella outfit so we’re cool.”
MY NAME IS IN YOUR MOUTH – 40 points
In a very much delayed decision, Matt finally gets sent home this week.
Matt: “I hope you get to meet my family”
Damien, in hoodie and sunglasses: “He doesn’t even go here!”
He gets points for crying on his way out, and gets mucho points from me for taking a champagne roadie into his exit limo.
Free Agent Adam, who has the most functional family out of everyone, gets sent home, natch. We never get an exit interview from Adam Junior, though! Hopefully he’ll show up on BIP.
Hometowns next week–get excited!!